Cut the Shit

At Least It’s a Post?

I know I’m supposed to type about my birthday and all the events surrounding last week, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. If I don’t post today, my hotmail account is going to explode with angry and concerned emails, so whatever comes out of my fingertips right now is what the post is going to be. Is that fair enough? I decree, yes.

So today for lunch, I went to this local Mexican restaurant and had a cheeseburger. Yes, I know. I even said to the server, “Who gets a cheeseburger at a Mexican restaurant?”. She giggled and flipped her hair. But in all honesty, it was a beautiful lunch. I had some wine and read my new book (a FANTASTIC little ditty called “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time” by Mark Haddon. Rita gave me the book when I was visiting her and the Rubix, and I’ve fallen in love with the story. To the point that when a major plot point was revealed, I sat in the restaurant and had to gaze out the window until the tears in my eyes reabsorbed into my face. It’s a good one, this book.

My birthday was phenomenal on a billion levels, but I don’t want to talk about that right now.

What I want to talk about is the fact that I jerked off last night for about 45 minutes. It took forever, cuz sometimes when I masturbate, I have to find JUST the right video. I’ll make a decision on a particular video and then half-way through I decide it’s not worthy of my load. I know…its high maintenance. In any case, I then switch videos, but then the computer freezes from muscle overload and I have to spend 10 minutes rebooting. It makes for a very long and drawn out masturbatory experience.

In any case, as I start cumming, I decide that screaming and moaning is totally appropriate and I go all out. Sometimes I do this to pretend that I’m having the hottest, crazed sex of my lifetime. At least so the neighbors will buy it. In ANY CASE, I start to cum and scream and act all lame and against my will, I fell off the chair I was sitting on and went crashing to the floor. Of course I kept cumming and screaming and now laughing and when I looked over, Tyler was standing next to me, with a cocked (punny) head and giving me a disapproving look. I said “I know, I know” and stood to clean the mess.

You understand.

Lately I’ve been even angrier at the Bush Administration than before. I mean, I’m ALWAYS angry and often more perplexed that people are supporting him at all, but lately I’ve had a seething inside of me that just won’t quit. Maybe it was the five minutes of Fahrenheit 9/11 I saw on Monday night. I mean, I own and have seen the movie tons of times (proaganda my ass), but even when I stop in and catch a few minutes of it, I’m DISTURBED by the fact that he ever got to be President to begin with. This whole administration is so corrupt and under-handed; it makes me want to die.

But I digress and move on to other things…

I went to a wedding in Tom’s River, New Jersey this weekend and laughed my ass off right back to NYC. I had a fantastic time overall, but because I was in a place where I knew next to no one, I decided to just let loose and be crazy. First off, I was the star of the show and became friends with both the bride and the groom’s mothers. I was the “IT” guy at the wedding, no doubt. However, when you become the “IT” guy at a wedding, there are dire consequences. Such as when I woke up the next morning and realized that when the “Wedding Camera” (you know…the film they take at the wedding of everyone having fun) came to me, I did devil’s horns and screamed “Rock and Roll”!

First of all, that’s not funny by any means. Second of all, when your hair has lost all of the pomade that was put in it and is now sticking straight to the ceiling with sweat…even more uncool. Then you’ve already screamed “Rock and Roll”, you stop it(!), rather than take the microphone that’s attached to the camera and start belting out “Take me down to the Paradise City Where the…”

OMG CRINGE.

The only saving grace I have is that I will never see 98% of these people again. But then again, when the parents of the wedding couple watch the video, they are TOTALLY going to say “Who IS that guy and WHY is he at the wedding?”

I can only hope the mothers will respond with “That’s the nice boy that took our bags to our room” or “That was the handsome guy in the Louis Vuitton tie”. And then for sure, they will follow up those comments with “I just don’t know what got into him”.

My bad?

In any case, I’ve just smoked 3 cigarettes in one hour since being back from lunch. Maybe it’s time I give my lungs a rest and give my fingers some work.

I know this post wasn’t what I had promised, but at least I wrote something, yes?

OH YES.

Love and jizz to you all!